Saturday, April 25, 2009


So I signed up for the Do Not Call List. I think that I was one of the first 100 people to sign up, but it didn't stick. You've been a recipient of that, haven't you? Your husband forgets not to put your phone number on a drawing slip for a free four-wheeler or your brother-in-law gives your phone number to a salesman to get a better discount and before you know it, your phone number is being distributed and sold in back alleys. Metaphorically. But literally, your number is back in the game and you start getting calls again.

I have accidentally stumbled on a trade secret to deal with the telemarketers. They have their own Do Not Call List and I think they've put me on it. Want to know how I came to that conclusion? 'Course you do! I used to get three to four calls a day from live telemarketers, two or so from automated telemarketers. Now I get no live calls and only the two or so automated. What has happened to make that change?

Exhibit A:
Hannah: "Hello? Yes, of course I have a mother. Her name's Sarah. She's my mother because I came out of her uterus."

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:
Ainsley: "Faw? Faw? Faw, dat you? Momma, dis not Faw." Click.

Exhibit D:
Hannah: "Hello? No, you can't talk to my Father. He's not home. He's at work, making money. He has to go to work to make money so that we can have a place to live and I can have a pony, but he can't spend it. My mother spends it. My pony's name is Princess. She's nice. She lets me ride her. Hello?" (By the way, that 'my mother spends it' line came from a conversation with her father the night before when he'd weaseled out of taking the heat for not being able to go to a restaurant by saying that 'Mother decides how to spend the money.' Weasel.)

Exhibit E:
Hannah: "Hello? No, my Father's not here. Yes, Mother's here but she can't talk right now. Because she's putting Grayson down for a nap and she gets reaaaaallly mad if you wake him up while she's trying to put him down. I'm not going in there."

Yessiree, I'm persona non grata with live telemarketers. Sweet. Kids are so worth labor, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.


TheOrganicSister said...

Zeb is at the age when he can spot a telemarketer but doesn't feel comfortable blowing them off. Me, I just yell something to some imaginary person named "Bubba" about putting the snake back in its cage before it eats his sister. They don't call so much anymore. ;)


RunninL8 said...

Ha! Love it!!! I was once a telemarketer ~Holds head in shame~
Hey, I was young, had to pay the rent....
I would have LOVED to have gotten those kids on the phone! Would have made the job fun!