A 'radical unschooling' challenge

Hannah loves dancing. It is her joy. She asked to take a dance class this fall so that she could 'dance with lots of other girls'. Since she's preschool age, there are few girls her age around that can come over for dancing, so we agreed to look for a class.

It is amazing how structured and disciplined teachers expect such young girls to be and how displinary and structured the girls' parents want the teachers to be with their young girls.

There are not many options in the rural area we live in. We were able to knock out two of the three available classes since they don't allow parents to watch or be in the same room. They have their reasons, but it would not have worked for Hannah. That left us with 'Miss Katrina'.

After a few months of this class, Hannah's motivation to dance at home changed. It was no longer all-encompassing and the dancing she did was frequently followed by "that's how Miss Katrina told me to dance".

When Miss Katrina ramped up the dance class time spent on rehearsing for the recital, Hannah would leave the dance class periodically to come sit beside me saying "this is boring". They would spend 30 minutes rehearsing the same 45 second dance over and over and over. No fun for a three year old.

We stayed for the recital since it had been so talked up in class and Hannah wanted to be part of it. Thankfully it was an underwhelming experience for her and she doesn't want to attend that class anymore. This was a welcome development for me since I had some real issues with certain discipline tactics the teacher used and wanted to pull Hannah from the class because I didn't think she was old enough to deal well with being treated so disrespectfully and I hated seeing her inner dancer be stifled at such a young age. So my issue had been "Do I trust that she knows what she wants to do and allow her to keep attending a class that I think may be harming her or do I say that I'm the mom, I know best, and pull her out which would eat away at her autonomy?"

Hannah seemed to be dealing with most of the teacher's discipline tactics well since she's so strong-willed and we talked about them outside of class. She had no problem leaving a tense or controlling situation to come sit by me. The one issue that was causing her angst that she couldn't work through on her own was the teacher telling the kids to calm down, listen, and behave "or I won't think you're big enough to perform and you won't get to". Hannah wasn't used to that type of manipulation and explaining it to her (that the teacher WOULD let them perform) didn't help. She doesn't understand adults lying. After two weeks of this, I went to class prepared to talk to the teacher about it and ask her not to say it anymore, but the situation had resolved itself - the teacher quit using that control mechanism.

It turns out that my "unschooling issue/challenge" wasn't as cut and dried as I thought it was. After brainstorming with Hannah, we've decided to look for a class in a bigger city about 45 minutes away, a class more compatible with our daughter since she still wants to 'dance with a lot of girls'. Hopefully we can find a class that's some free dance, some tumbling, and lots of giggling. It will be worth the drive for us - and since my sister lives there, we'll get to see her more frequently!

Since the end of the class, about a month ago, Hannah's free-form dancing at home has come back full force. She incorporates moves she learned in class, but they have become part of her dance instead of the only moves she feels she should do.

First day:





Heading to dance class:



Throughout the fall:









Dance recital. I've only got backstage pictures since I couldn't get any good pictures of her from the side where I was standing. Matt was out front but used our camera there for video (and the video shows a bunch of indistinguishable three year olds in white bird costumes running around a stage).

Playing with other girls before the performance:



Waiting to go on:

When you live in a quiet little town...

you don't expect to see ads like this in your local fabric store's newsletter.

"Don't forget it's time to sign up for the 2008 1st Saturday program.

Come STRIP with us! We promise it will be fun, fast and easy.

Warning: This practice can be addictive.

All you have to do is come in on every 1st Sat. of the month."

I know that this must be a new sewing/crafting technique that I haven't heard about. Right? Please tell me I'm right.

NYE was quiet here.

I actually went to bed at 11:40 pm. Matt said that staying up until midnight was overkill since we'd already passed NYE in two time zones in the US. I agreed.

We played Hannah's new Ladybug Game that she's enthralled with - it must be played at least five times a day.

Matt and the girls had their traditional milkshake. Not a NYE tradition, mind you. It's a nightly tradition.



Hannah made a heart necklace out of the glow-in-the-dark perler beads she got for Christmas.





Hannah and Ainsley also played with a toy they got from a fast food restaurant. You spread the playdoh over the mold and get to see a skeleton when you pull it off.



This morning Ainsley has been an unapologetic Daddy's Girl. Mommy not allowed anywhere near. Hannah's on her fourth personality (puppy, kitty, barking kitty, baby). Matt's got the girls so that I can do the budget... It's a good start to the new year.

$1 store bargain.

There's a reason that dollar stores get some items cheaply enough to sell for one dollar.

Exhibit #1: A cute stuffed puppy that barks. It would easily sell for more than $1 but for one issue. It barks from its butt.

Unschooling blog.

http://nurturedbylove.blogspot.com/

A fantastic blog by a mom in Canada.

She's a Suzuki instructor, so there are a lot of musical posts.

Her kids are math whizzes, so there are a lot of math resource posts.

They are involved in an unschoolers culture club, so those posts are lots of fun to read and give me ideas to store away for the future.

She posts about every day life, so you get a really good snapshot of one unschooling family (and some recipes!).

Brains and things.

Hannah loves figuring out how the body works. Her latest obsession is the brain. For a few days she's been asking me what a brain looks like and I keep telling her that we should look it up, but we've never gotten around to it.

Last night we got on Google images and looked up pictures of brains. Matt walked by as we were doing this, saw it was something 'scientific' and jumped in, telling her what the different parts of the brain did, which she loved.

Then she wanted to see a real brain working. We went to YouTube and found videos of brain surgery which led to an explanation of tumors and the difference between malignant and benign tumors. Matt and I have both had benign tumors removed, so she got to hear about that although she wasn't happy that her nursie had once had a tumor in it. That night when Matt was putting her to bed she told him that she had a tumor in her forehead, "but it's not manignant, Daddy. It's be-ign. It doesn't hurt at all. But it's there." Luckily, it was gone by morning.

Following YouTube links, she progressed from brain surgery to heart surgery which finally - FINALLY - helped her connect to the heartbeat she hears when we go visit the midwives. Now she's very excited about our next midwife visit and Ainsley is sick of having Hannah's ear pressed to her chest every time she lies down.

So if I had to classify last night, would it be biology? Physical sciences? I still need to look into Idaho homeschooling regulations to see how to meet the requirements while unschooling.

Need noise?

When I'm folding laundry, I like to have something on to keep me distracted from the drudgery. It used to be a tv show online, but I was floundering when the writers strike hit.

Then I happened upon TED. Now I don't think that I'll go back to tv. Most of the talks I've listened to have been wonderful, some have been ok, a few have been blah.

Try it, you may like it!

Christmas just like momma used to make it.

Christmas morning.

Santa came.



Then the girls came.



I can't remember what brought on this level of excitement.



Ains unwrapping stocking presents.



Hannah with the surprise exciting present of the day - princess underwear. (We thought they would be well received, but not pored over and changed at least 57 times throughout the day.) All were loved except for Jasmine who was generously given to her sister.



Reading through a book of mythical animals.



Playing with gorgeous hats and a flute that their uncle sent them.





Random play throughout the day... These pics don't include the hours of play with Hannah's favorite present (the one she wrote Santa for), her "Brisa pony", a Breyer pegasus. It's very small and Ainsley got a different one ("Kona"), so I was Kona to her Brisa for many hours of pretend. Ainsley spent those hours interacting with us, cooking with Matt, or playing with the dolls that I made for Hannah and her.

We also played a new game called Gassy Gus that Matt got. You feed Gus different foods, and the gassier they are, the bigger his tummy gets. If he poots while you're feeding him, you have to take more cards. The girls LOVED it.

The night before Christmas...

We read Christmas books, watched a Christmas movie (The Grinch), wrapped family presents, and gave the girls their new jammies.

The girls loved playing with the wrapping paper tubes. First they had a sword fight and then Ainsley turned hers (without any prompting) into a horse.







New jammies.

Through the month of December.

Writing a letter to Santa.



Then delivering it...





Visiting a camel at a local lights extravaganza.



Getting presents that the Elf left the night before. The Elf visits several times before Christmas Day. This time he left Hannah a book about fairies and Ainsley a toy.



A friend showing Hannah a Russian nesting doll - she'd never seen one before and was fascinated. I'd never seen one go down so small. The tiniest doll was the size of my pinky fingernail.



What happens when your daughter tells you she has something on her dress and without looking you tell her to "just shake it off". Candy powder can really fly.



Making glitter snowflakes. This was our first foray into glitter and it was very glittery.









Snow play.





Watching Matt try to get a DVD out of our broken DVD player.



Playing with a sticky monkey that she got out of a 25 cent vending machine. As you can see from her face, she thought it was hilarious when it would "climb" down the window.





Ainsley dressing up. I try to keep her out of the hallway during the day because this is what happens when she sees all of the winter clothes.

Giggling babes.

My girls are running around the house chasing each other and giggling hysterically. In the teepee, under the teepee, through the chairs, under the table, through the kitchen and halls. Giggling babes are worth anything else parents go through.

NAIS is not mandatory.

It's completely voluntary.

Unless it's not.

"Premises ID Required for Livestock Exhibitors at Illinois Fairs in 2008
Compiled By Staff
November 5, 2007


If you want to show livestock at an Illinois state, county, 4-H or FFA fair next year, you'll need a premises identification number from the Illinois Department of Agriculture. The new ruling applies to swine, cattle, sheep, goats, equine, poultry, rabbits and llamas that will be exhibited at an Illinois fair, beginning in 2008."

http://www.prairiefarmer.com/index.aspx?ascxid=fpStory&fpsid=30714&fpstid=2

Book Review: Demonic Males

OK, so here's the deal. This book has been recommended to me over and over and over. It's supposed to give you an inner glimpse into the male psyche.

It took me almost half the book to really "get it" and not be able to put it down. The first half was good - not boring, lots of interesting stories, but I couldn't see what they were getting at. Once they hit the bonobos, though, it all tied together.

The basic premise of the book is: Men are inherently violent, much more so than women. Is that culture alone or is there a biological reason? Can we find the answer to that question by looking at the other great apes, man's closest relatives?

There are five species of great apes - gorillas, chimpanzees, orangutans, humans, and bonobos. Of these five species, all but one have high levels of violence towards others of their species, and relationship violence (males being violent towards females) is high in those four species.

Orangutans - rape by the "small males" is very common. (A quote from this section that I marked, since it's a sensitive subject, was "Even if animal parallels tell us about ourselves, they justify nothing.") They will even rape human females. Battery of females by the small males is very common and quite brutal. Since orangutans are solitary, there is not "inter-group" violence.

Gorillas - infanticide is amazingly common. The vast majority of gorilla females lose at least one baby to an attack by a silverback out to get her to join his troop. Gorillas live in groups that consist of one male and many females. Other males looking to start their own group/enlarge their group can go about this in two ways: they can either kill or defeat a silverback with an existing group or they can charge past him, tear a baby out of its mothers arms and kill it - there is a good chance that that mother will choose to join him. It didn't make sense to me until they spelled it out, but it is a logical choice for the mother of the killed infant to join the killer - she knows that he is strong enough to protect her next baby. So sad. There is little relationship violence since silverbacks want the females to join them willingly. There is violence between silverbacks for harem control.

Chimpanzees - by far the most violent of the wild great apes. They raid other groups, killing when they can. They rape. They beat lower males and any females and children. They even have torture like behaviors when in the midst of a raid.

There was a lot of time in this book put into comparing chimpanzees and humans since they are the closest to us in behavior.

Humans - obviously very violent. A really interesting piece that I pulled out was about how quickly humans form groups and how quickly one group can become violent towards another group (within minutes even of forming an Us vs. Them complex towards strangers).

Bonobos - now here's the interesting group. Bonobos have no "relationship violence", as a general rule. There is no rape, as a general rule, no infanticide. These apes are not a "nice" species, there is nothing that can be seen in their genetic makeup that makes them more peaceful. What makes them more peaceful? The females.

Female bonobos have the power. If a male attacks a female, he does not just have her to deal with - he has to fight off all of her supporters also. Female bonobos spend a lot of time and effort building up a support network. When a female is in danger, her friends come to her aid physically and emotionally. They support her with hoots and howls when she's fighting well and support her physically if she's being beaten. Rape is not allowed - the male would be beaten down.

Bonobos live in troops similar to chimpanzee troops. Many males, many females, a constantly changing power struggle within the troop. However, in bonobos, a female may be "top dog" while that is NEVER the case in chimpanzees. Truthfully, it's rare in bonobos also. Most of the top bonobos are male, but they are there only by the grace of the females, specifically their mothers. If the mother of a bonobo male dies, his place in the troop is likely to downgrade while a bonobo with a present and lively mother will likely move up. In chimpanzee groups, no female is above any adult male. In bonobo groups, males and females are constantly moving around in the power game and there are more females higher up than males. Also, if two females switch places, power-wise, in a troop, their sons are likely to have to switch places with each other also.

This piece of information, about bonobos being female-bonded, was exciting for me. I thought about it constantly for a few hours after I read it. It sounded so similar to the call for action in the book C*nt (sorry, I had to change that for search engine reasons) that I read a few years ago. I plugged that option, females defending females, into scenarios in our human world, specifically in my culture and came to the depressing conclusion that it would not work for us, at least not right now.

The most glaring example? Say that I have a dinner party. A friend's husband yells at her and shoves her. The other females at the party stand up to him together and tell him that he may have had the power before, but with all of us together, the power dynamic has shifted and he's no longer in control. He can't beat down seven angry women. We can protect her... until they go home together (or she goes home alone, in which case she's no longer protected - he can easily find her again). In our "nuclear family" society, we can't protect other women sufficiently. We just can't. Goddess, it's depressing to see a way out and not be able to take it.

Overall, this book was great for two reasons: the realization that a group of animals has figured it out, so we should be able to also and the realization that while male violence is never excusable, and there is a huge cultural influence on the amount and type of violence, there is also a genetic component there. And that realization helps. I don't know quite why, I wish I could explain it, but it does seem to calm me. Maybe because the bonobos have the same genetic component but have still found a way to live very peaceful lives? I don't know. My pregnancy brain won't let me compute it.

Jesus panties.

My older daughter has a recent fascination with Jesus. The other night she told me that "Jesus loves you, mother". She's also been asking who he is, where he lived, why he's dead, etc.

THIS is my unschooling challenge. For some it's tv/video games/computers, for others it's food, for others it's reading/math/science. For me it's religion.

I'm trying hard to give her straight answers with no hint of the taint that years of Mormonism left on my spiritual psyche. I try to tell her "This is what your daddy thinks, this is what I think. You can think whatever you want." I answer her questions with clear, short answers.

And if I happen to run across a video like this one, I don't hesitate to show it to her. I ran across it in a very unlikely place (in a TED speech) and laughed so hard that Ainsley was giggling hysterically also. Hannah loves it and asks to watch the "Jesus panties movie" often. Enjoy. You will laugh your ass off. Even my forever-Mo husband did.