2 days later, 4 years before,

I began this journey. I could not have predicted how completely it would take my focus off of me, and paradoxically make me work hard at getting to know who I really am and who I can be, for her sake.

She's gone so fast from this -




to this -




to this -






to this -






to this -




Watching her grow up again as I looked through the pictures made her personality pop out.

Her dancing,


happy,


very proper,

dreaming personality.


Has it been five years since I lost and found myself on the same day?

And what does the next year hold? I can't wait to find out.

Happy birthday, baby girl. I'm a better person for having you in my life.

Right this minute.

Today we...

played outside. March has been kind to us. We got two hours of not-too-windy, kind-of-warm, altogether-completely-enjoyable time out of our four walls today.

We started out on the porch. While I cleaned our porch furniture, the kids played around me. Occasionally I had little hands helping me wash, but mostly they were exploring or playing with kittens.


Ainsley carefully inspected Ghandi with the magnifying glass, looked up at me and very seriously declared "Cat."


One of my mothering joys is seeing the similarities and differences in my children. Take how they interact with cats.

Exhibit 1: Mama cat, wraps her baby in a blanket, dotes on him and carries him around.


Plays with kittens, takes a lot of pleasure in kittens chasing her makeshift toys.


Exhibit 2: The Teacher. Tries to teach the kitten how to get in a bucket - whether the kitten wants to or not.


Tries to teach the kitten how to climb a tree - whether the kitten wants to or not.



These children are endlessly amusing to me.

We gradually moved out into the yard, into the pine trees, onto the farm road, and back.

Hannah collected art supplies. I need to get a picture of what she created.



Running down the farm road. The farm land is to the right, our land is to the left.


Hannah found a skull that's been in this exact place for the last three years that we've lived here. She's noticed it before and talked about it before, but she really noticed it today and we had a fun discussion that ranged from carnivores vs. herbivores to spider eggs (there was a nest in one of the eyes) to her own mortality to cemeteries to ... well, you've been there with your own kids, I'm sure. Since she recently had a dentist visit we looked at the teeth and how they fit in (and even pulled some of them out).


Grayson is teething, so mostly he's attached to me, but occasionally he let me put him down for a few minutes. It helped if there was a cat nearby that would let him grab at them.


It felt good to all of us to stretch out a bit.

What I was doing a year ago today.

Falling in love. Again. How many loves can a woman fit in her heart?































Today my baby is still a baby and I'm not rushing him to grow up. Lordy, how I love him.

Snapshot Sunday

This weekend we were out of town for a family party and didn't get back in until late last night. So I took my snapshots this morning which is why they all seem to be focused on messes.

My hot spot - the kitchen counter.


The living room floor rug, rolled up to clear the floor for yoga. After the yoga happened I didn't get the rug rolled back out right away, then I couldn't roll it back out. You don't get a picture of the floor.


Dinner table (which has been a sewing table for about a week now).


Needs no label.


Stack of stuff waiting to be eBayed/Craigslisted/freecycled.



How it began.

Sunnymama this week and last week.

How do you know Daddy doesn't do laundry often?

The answer to that is the same answer to "Why is there a basket of children's underwear and socks that Daddy has to sort through and put away?"

Because he thought that getting two girls, size 3T and 4T, the same exact underwear would be a good idea.

24 princess and butterfly underwear, one size apart, ready to be sorted. Grumble, grumble, grumble.

Artists are fancy.

Wow, Hannah, that's a fancy horse you've got there.

H: (matter-of-factly) Well, yes. He's an artist.

Oh. Are artists fancy?

H: (very patiently) I don't know, Mother. I've never met an artist. (after a pause) But I'm fancy, and I'm an artist, so I think artists are fancy. And he's a very good artist so he's very fancy.

The library...

One of my favorite places.



Since we have to travel a ways to get to the library we have cards at, it's an exciting trip for the girls also.



And if we're really lucky, we can meet cousins there and the kids can hide under the table and read to each other while the moms chat.

No Snapshot Sunday.

Sorry 'bout that. Between computer issues and camera issues, it didn't happen. On to happier subjects --- Dumping Daddy.

This game wouldn't have been possible if Mother hadn't pulled out the hide-a-bed to look for A Very Small Thing that she needed. Or if Father hadn't said "Just leave it out. The girls are having fun on it. We'll lay a blanket on it to eat dinner."

It also wouldn't have been possible if Father had chosen anywhere but right up against the couch to lay on the hide-a-bed while his daughters sat on the edge to better watch their movie.

Nobody even realized this game was a possibility until Hannah and Ainsley both saw something that each one of them absolutely had to have and jumped off the bed at the same time to go get it. I didn't hear their screams at each other because they were drowned out by their father yelling as he got dumped right back into the couch and all of their dinner (spaghetti and white sauce, no less) landed on top of him. I didn't laugh. Much.

After we got him cleaned up, the girls wanted to play this fun game again. So they dumped him.


Then climbed to the top to 'save him'.

After their weight had pulled him back up, they climbed to the top again.


It was a treacherous climb at times.


But you learn the most from your mistakes, don't you find? She learned that it was more fun for her to climb to the top and slide down.


They played for a long time.


Their father was exhausted. Even better, they were exhausted.


Tired enough that a game of dominoes was appealing.